Oh well, we tried. But in the end the promise of outdoor, air-conditioned stadiums --which in all honesty sounds like the embodiment of the American dream-- and the least-boozy World Cup in history won out. It's a shame but that's just the way the funk swings sometimes. But instead of dreaming of what could have been I shall spend my time wondering what could be.
Y'know things like "how can I make terrace anthems out of the Isley Brothers' "Between the Sheets/Shiekhs" and Echo & The Bunnymen's "The Cutter/Qatar"? Or how can I find a good kidney broker...because I am going to have to sell one to afford the plane fare & hotel bill. And how long until some off-putting cable news network or tabloid makes some despicable generalization and throws up a thinly-veiled "The Terrorists Have Won" headline?
It's not all bad though.With 10 of the 12 World Cup stadiums slated to be within 20 miles of each other it's a logistical dream once you get on the ground. No 5-hour bus rides into the hinterland of the country for one game and no playing musical hotel rooms to follow your team. Sorry, but you have to love that. And I hear the beaches are nice if you are the tanning type. And if you aren't the tanning type too bad because you are are going to burn to death in that country regardless of if you go to the beach or not.
Somewhere in Zurich, Sepp Blatter is rocking the sh*t out of Busta Rhymes' "Arab Money."