Men in Red Holding White Party Tomorrow Night

Can't believe the Fire are having a White Party without having the foresight to invite Diddy or myself. I mean look, you can’t have a White Party without Diddy. It’s like standing in a crowded elevator and making a lame joke (“Everybody suck in.”); it’s not coolest thing, it's just the done thing.

My absence is probably for the best though as I’d be inclined to dress like Moon Safari-era Air, dance to music that may not be appropriate for a man of my age and drink up all the champers in Chicago, which would kind of be a douche move with New Year’s Eve less than 6 months away.

But you guys in the Chi should go in my (and Diddy’s) stead. And take photos. Lots of boozy, white-washed, baller-assed photos.

Not That You're Concerned But...

I'm on vacation this week so unless Big Name Player X signs with the league expect very little from me other than BBQing, beach bumming and generally lounging around. Before I go though check out this superb fan-made video on the Fire's prior U.S. Open Cup glory. Good stuff from the men & women of Section 8.

Living in the Red: A Section 8 Documentary

Chicago's finest fans get their 15 minutes of fame --seriously, this clip is 15 minutes long-- courtesy of DePaul University film students Marlin Kolev, Ethan Faure and Heather Eidson. Good stuff. Always good to see the SG's get some shine.

"Yahtzee!!!"

Brendan Hannan is a PR man for the Chicago Fire. He is a talented fellow and widely-regarded as one of the most well-dressed individuals in the American soccersphere. And when duty calls he is also one hell of an announcer.

Check out the highlights from last night's Chicago-Colorado Open Cup game. The first Fire goal might be one of the great MLS goal calls of all-time and the second goal may be one of the greatest MLS goals of all-time.

New Chicago Fire Clip is Like Your Brother's Ipod in Consolidated Into a Single 2-Minute Song

Is it just me or does the music at the beginning of this clip sound kind of like that uber-aggro song on that Navy commercial? It's a little butch for me at first but then it gets all Crystal Method (again, too frat-daddy for my tender tastes) before giving way to some serious Thomas Newman-esque orchestral heaviness. It's a real genre-hopping musical journey. You should take it.

Throwback Thursday: Gabriel Ferrari Interview

The Fire messed around and signed Gabriel Ferrari today. Not a bad catch for a club looking to replace Brian McBride, Calen Carr and Collins John. The kid is big and can ball.

So in the name of mining old-ass content here's a conversation between Gabe and myself from exactly 1 year ago. Definitely looks like things done changed in regard to that new loan but for the better. Hope we see more Ferrari's & Davies choose to come home rather than languishing in the lower leagues in Europe...yes, I'm talking about you Freddy Adu & Benny Feilhaber.

Chicago Fire Mascot Makes It Official: EVERYBODY Can & Will Teach You How to Dougie

Personally I never thought Sparky was a 'hood hound. I always thought of him as one of those sweet, harmless dogs like you see in kids movies. The kind that ride on firetrucks and sleep in your child's bed at night.

But now that he's dancing on camera to a song about how "all da bitches" love him and he just needs one of them to "back it up and dump it" I'm looking at him totally differently. For real y'all, this is exactly like the moment when you found out Wayne Brady was a thug.

Sing of Along to the Hits of Chicago

Fire fans, tell me this isn't the Dirty Version of the Section 8 vibe and that this is the Radio Edit. I've never sat in the section myself but I'm going to give y'all the benefit of the doubt that you can bring more of the funny and maybe even a little bit of the ribald than this video would imply. I'd also like to believe that you guys throw in "The Streetplayer" from time to time. "Street sounds fall into my mi-i-i-i-ind..."

The Real Shock of Bradley's Roster

So let's forget about the Teal Bunbury call up and fall out for a minute and ask ourselves this question: isn't Logan Pause the real shock of this roster? Discuss.

CJ Brown is the Smoothest, Youngest-Looking Retiree Ever

I feel like the Fire missed a massive opportunity here to use Eminem's "Cleaning Out My Closet" as the intro music here. Maybe it was just too expensive to go with but I would like to think that there was someone really art-damaged involved in the creative process who decided not to because that would have been too "lamestream" and obvious.

But is CJ Brown really an Eminem type of dude? Prolly not. He seems too smooth for that mall-thug sh*t. I bet as soon as he got home from emptying out his locker he put on some white linen pants, maybe a pair of mandals and listened to the latest Eric Benet record while pouring himself a glass of brown liquor.