A Special "Morning After" Dedication to RSL

Look at it this way guys: even Prince had to end the Purple Rain Tour some time.

RSL Without Beckerman Tonight. Are You Scared?

I'm sure I'm supposed to be saying something grand and epic about RSL's massive match tonight but I kinda feel like it's all been said already so why write something fro the sake of it? I will say though that the absence of The Great Unwashed™ due to yellow card accumulation has the potential to open the door for Monterrey.

No offense to Ned Grabavoy or whoever takes his place in the middle but the Morales-Beckerman tandem is arguably the best central midfield combo in the league right now and their chemistry is the bedrock on which this team is built. I know Kreis doesn't have a choice but this is like introducing a new drummer to the bass player during soundcheck just before you record a live album at the Hollywood Bowl; you gotta do what you gotta do but there potential for a rhythmic disaster to be be seen by all and for eternity.

Kyle Beckerman Wears Massive Tam, Is More Irie Than You

Who wants a piece of The Great Unwashed's™ birfday Rasta cake?! (cue airhorn) I do. You know why? Because fat guys love cake, especially when there's ice cream on the side.

Things I Meant To Address Yesterday But Didn't Pt. 3: RSL & This Whole Twitter Thing

Apparently there is a "Twitter craze" in Salt Lake City and RSL are the "kings" of it. Also, Andy Williams is a "Master Tweeter." Or is he a "mastertweeter?"*

*Mastertweeter: noun; someone who retweets themself on Twitter.

VIDEO: RSL In Costa Rica

It's going to be on and cracking in Costa Rica tonight. RSL are down there to play Saprissa in the semi's of the CCL and I for one think they're going to take it. I probably just jinxed it but oh wells, the media will never blame me for it if they lose so I'll say it again: they've got this.

My man @3dimes is down there with the team and filming the whole thing for the day job. The clip above is his latest dispatch from the land of this. Oh how I wish I was there.

Can Anyone Tell Me...

Can anyone tell me what in the hell David Beckham is doing on this play? I honestly have no idea. His headband is applying more pressure to his hair than he is to Javi Morales.

I keep rewinding and rewinding this and can't decide what's funnier: Becks' seeming aloofness or Javi's "I'm gonna fake like I'm exhausted then sprint like a stole something"-routine.

When the Hell Did Jerry Bruckheimer Start Working for RSL?

This is like some 300 meets Harry Potter craziness. I wonder if there will be a terrible tie-in video game to go along with it.

EVEN MORE RSL x CCL x BTS

So yeah, I'm supposed to be on a vacation day and off of the computer but I guess I'm just too far gone to ever walk away completely. And with RSL v. the Crew on FSC tonight it's not like I was going to be able to totally tune out anyway.

So with the CCL being the theme if the day here is part 5 of Champions League 360, produced by my dude @3dimes. You should watch it ahead of tonight's game and get yourself hyped. Or not. Really it's up to you but I'm thinking you should because it's not everyday you get to ride shotgun in Kyle Beckerman's luxury SUV.

RSL x CCL x BTS

WANT TO KNOW THE BEST TIME TO CATCH NICKY RIMANDO ON THE TWITTERS OR THE BOOK OF FACES? MATCHDAY. APPARENTLY DUDE SPENDS HIS TIME BEFORE GAMES THE EXACT SAME WAY MY 18 YEAR-OLD SISTER DOES: ON A COUCH '@'ING AND 'LIKING' PEOPLE. THANKFULLY THOUGH HE USES FAR FEWER EMOTICONS :).

RSL: Still Batting .1000 In the Video Promo Dept.

I have no idea how you could be a Salt Lake City-area soccer fan and NOT buy tickets to see this team. If the fact that they're pretty good isn't enough, this advert by TOR favorite T. Issac Halasima makes them look like straight up superheros; surely this is Eurosnob kryptonite.

RSL & Their Breakdancing Lion are Coming for Your Children

When I was in elementry school we had the theatre students from the local community college (Grayson County Community College, stand up!) come by and do a rendition of "Peter Pan." It sucked. But the privileged youth of today? They get a cotdamn back-flipping, boogalooing, soccer-obsessed lion to come to their auditorium and indoctrinate them into the church of MLS. Did I get jipped or what?

And BTW isn't this eerily reminiscent of the Minotaur Energy Drink presentation in the film Role Models?

RS-Sell Those Tickets

I'm sure I may offend someone (what's new?) with this but it's kind of sad that the only RSL video I'm seeing right now is one pimping tickets for new year because I fully expected to be seeing them in Toronto right now. Good on you Dallas for getting here and I know you ran things all season LA, but REAL SALT LAKE WAS THE BEST TEAM IN MLS IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2010. There, I said it.

And now look at 'em. They ain't practicing today at BMO Field, they didn't get to buy any duty free and they sure as hell ain't partying their asses of Sunday night with DeRo. Sad sh*t y'all...the game is cruel. Great commercial though.

Psst RSL, Lemme Show You Something

Is it just me or is it weird that FC Dallas' Bobby Rhine is just giving away the secrets to the team's battle plan ahead of #RSLvDAL? I'm probably reading too much into it but this is kinda like U2 telling you the setlist, lighting cues and the precise moment that Bono will breath heavily into the mic and say something grand while taking to his knees just before the final chorus of one of their more socially conscious numbers the day before the show.

Where is the element of surprise here? Don't they know that Jason Kreis has Youtube as well? I know Utah is kinda out of the way but the internet works in the Rockies too. Silversun Pickups got it right y'all, there are no secrets this year.

Alex Nimo Has Just Given RSL License to Fleece Portland for His Services

Somebody please call Alex Nimo and tell him how single-entity and MLS work. Apparently dude is under the impression that he holds some sway and can possibly help facilitate his continued stay in Portland as the team moves up to MLS, even though RSL holds his contract, by claiming that he'll quit soccer if he has to leave the Timbers. I'm sure this "Rose City 'til I die or quit soccer full-stop" attitude will go over quite well with the Timbers faithful but I'm guessing RSL will be less than enamored by it.

I know he's only young but it is all just too much for such a young player to try and dictate his destination. I mean who does he think he is, The Biggest Midget in the Game™? Portland is great and all but damn son, RSL flew you out to MLS Cup and gave you a beer shower when you didn't even play for the team last year! And you're not even 21 yet so that shit's probably illegal! Where is your loyalty man?!

Ready. Set. Playoffs!

Get your tickets 'cause it's on like Donkey Kong. The playoffs are finally here and it's gonna be some sh*t. LA v. Seattle, RSL v. Dallas, New York v. San Jose and Columbus v. Colorado. I don't know who's going to come out on top of this thing but the West is just going to be brutal. Whoever makes it out of there alive should have no problem taking down whoever wins the East. None. Zero.

Like I said though, buy your tickets soon and in quantity; nothing looks whacker than an empty stadium during the playoffs.