Sporting KC Have Jokes

Let this be a lesson to clubs around the league: neglect to send Sporting KC your team's headshots at your own risk. Failure to comply with this request may result in your region's stereotypes being aired out for all to see on the largest HD jumbotron in the state of Kansas.You have been warned.

Long Live LIVESTRONG Sporting Park

So I spent a good part of yesterday at the new park in Kansas City and the place is a palace. So in the interest of sacking up and stating that I was wrong, wrong, wrong I hereby rescind my previous statement re: LIVESTRONG's place in my personal SSS pecking order. For me this place is in a dead heat with RBA for the number one spot. Can't wait to see what it's like tonight with a crowd inside.

Teal Bunbury Is Keeping It GQ in K.C.

When I grow up I want to be Teal Bunbury-in-a-KC-Magazine-fashion-feature smooth. Not to be weird or anything but this is how a grown man should dress. Partially because you look mature and refined but also because no matter what kind of girls you like women love it when you dress in clothes that display a sense of true style and swagger*...not clothes that display the back of your underwear-clad ass.

*I'm talking real, Webster's Dictionary swagger i.e. confidence. Not that ol' "I got bottle service in the club but still live with my momma" faux baller-sh*t.

Just Because: Sporting KC Video

Nice clip. Props to the director for not going with the obvious soundtrack of Ozzy Osbourne's "Mama I'm Coming Home." Because that's exactly what I would have done.

Kansas City, I'm Coming For You

Just booked my flight to KCK for a double-dip at LIVESTRONG Sporting Park: the Sporting KC v. Chicago Fire match to open the building on June 9th and the USMNT's Gold Cup match v. Guadalupe on June 14th. If you are going to be in the area shout me a holler because I need some proper BBQ. Can't. Wait.

BTW if you're feeling the poster above you can download a full-sized version of it on SKC's Facebook page. A framed version of it might make a nice addition to your soccer tchotchke collection or man-cave wall.

Agudelo & Bunbury Give MLS Its "Twilight" Moment

ZOMFG Teal Bunbury and Juan Agudelo have a Twitter beef! So awesome. Sure it's not a "somebody's going to end up shot on the Las Vegas strip"-beef (these are American soccer players after all) but I'll take it since I am all for the Twilightification* of MLS.

Seriously, if this thing plays out right it could be a merchandising boon for both parties. I want to see Team Bunbury-branded, K.C.-style BBQ sauce. I want to see Team Agudelo sweatbands in my local adidas store. I want Teal dropping a diss verse on the next Drake remix. I want to see Juan score then get a yellow card against K.C. this Saturday for lifting his jersey to reveal a shirt with a picture of Teal's face with a line through it a la the Ghostbusters logo.

I'm telling you this could be big, "straight-to-DVD Agudelo vs. Bunbury movie sold exclusively at Hot Topic"-big.

*Not a real word.

VIDEO: LIVESTRONG Sporting Park Peek

Our man Beans from TOW recently took a walk through LIVESTRONG Sporting Park with Teal Boon Boo Ree. Place is coming together, right? Loving the roof; after staying dry during the monsoon at the RBNY game this Saturday I feel like they're the move that pushes your stadium from Kip Winger to Kanye West on the ballin' outta control scale. Nothing says "luxurious soccer experience" like defying the elements.

VIDEO: Bunbury, Shea & Agudelo in New DSG Advert

Surely Juan Agudelo has just shattered some soccer/sports-marketing record by being included in a national TV advert before appearing in more than 4 professional matches. Oh wait, that was Freddy Adu. Nevermind.

Cussin' & Crossin': The Best of the Ochocinco Trial

This is possibly the best single minute of Ochocino SoccerWatch 2011™ coverage. Nice candor and a pretty decent ball into the box. Also impressive is the ability to refer ones self as an "elite athlete" with a straight, shameless face.

Ochocinco Watch: Day 2

You know what the most amazing thing about this whole Ochocino-to-SportingKCO exercise is? That soccer seems to have actually humbled Ocho. Not to the point of where he's not going to namedrop CR7 & Kaka --that would be unreasonable-- but to the point where you kind of forget about all his past madness.

I love that he says Ronaldo & Kaka would come out to K.C. to watch him play if he makes the team. It's like he adding in bonus cuts to an album before it's even recorded. How much tougher do you think it will make resisting the urge to sign the circus --for nothing-- with the promise of rings 2 & 3 now out there? Not too tough I reckon because K.C. have, you know, brains and wouldn't sign him just because.

Still if this doesn't work out there's always Ft. Lauderdale.

Oh No Ocho

Y'all ready for the most-talked about MLS training session since the arrival of Brand Beckham? Hope so because every sports outlet in the nation is going to be all over this like LiLo on free drugs. Watch the whole thing unfold at Sporting85.com (yes, it has its own website).

Poor Tackling at CommunityAmerica Ballpark Not Limited to Players

A couple of months ago I teased K.C.'s cameo on MTV's The Buried Life that featured some Tiffany May-esque, partially-nude streaking action. Well the episode aired and the action happened...but my guess is that you probably didn't see it because, let's be real here, the only thing people watch on MTV anymore is Jersey Shore.

I'm not condoning the invasion of pitches nor do I intend to disparage the fine men & women that keep our stadiums secure but it has to be said that the security staff at CommunityAmerica Ballpark can't tackle for nothin'. On the flipside we now know what the Chiefs defense does on its days off.